Today is the big day. The day of football days. The Giants of NY versus the New England Tom Bradys.
I am pulling for the Giants and little Eli. I am by no means an expert so I went to the master of prediction, the seer of seers, the honcho of hunches, the…you get the point.
K- Last time you picked both winners correctly.
A&G Nostradamus- Of course I did, I am mother F-in Nostradamus!
K- You were off on the points though.
A&G Nostradamus- What can I say, next time bet straight up.
K- OK then. So who do you have today?
A&G Nostradamus- On the 5 day, of the second month of 12th year of the 2nd millenium the giants of the Empire will do battle with the Patriots of the England of the new world. The battle in the city of Peyton will be hard fought.
K- That reminds me is Peyton Manning gonna be behind center for the Colts next season.
A&G Nostradamus- you know this isn’t some parlor trick, you can’t just type a new question for Jeeves. And what the hell doe s that even mean, behind what? Give me a break I died like 300 years before this stupid game was even invented.
K- Is Peyton manning going to play for the Colts.
A&G Nostradamus- Why not just ask that?
K- I was doing the whole Nostradamus thing, you know all cryptic.
A&G Nostradamus- How ’bout you don’t.
K- So Peyton Manning?
A&G Nostradamus- In the city of Indy the once great tosser will…
K- I am going to tell him you called him a tosser.
A&G Nostradamus- …can I just finish this, I have to get back to rying to turn lead to gold.
K- Go ahead.
A&G Nostradamus- The toss..the heaver will sit down and relish the (spoiler alert) victory of the 3rd off spring of Archie while he contemplates the future. The Finned Mammals will make a play and the villain of Baltimore will dick around and lose his star. Luck is fleeting in the city of Indy and their playoff hopes will wither.
K- So Peyton will go to Miami?
A&G Nostradamus- I just write them it’s up to you to find the meaning. He may also go to Minny, those guys love washed up QBs. Jim McMahon anyone?
K- Interesting, so you see the Giants winning today?
A&G Nostradamus- The team at the point of the state of the empire will let forth from the heavens a barrage of swine and I say Nicks and Cruz are good for at least 200 combined receiving. The secondary of the minutemen will relent.
K- So this game is all about the passing game huh?
A&G Nostradamus- Special teams too.
K- Final score?
A&G Nostradamus- Giants 24 Pats 20. Eli takes MVP.
K- Anything else?
A&G Nostradamus- Madona is gonna blow.
K- You don’t like Madona?
A&G Nostradamus- Maybe if she plays Borderline.
K- Dude, you are one strange guy.
A&G Nostradamus- Eat it.